• Who am I?

    I am Qrystal; or at least, that's my dot-name! Har har. (My name is really Crystal, but that's not as internet-searchable; hence, switching the C for the little-used letter Q.)

    I am here because I enjoy writing. I do this mostly for myself, but I also have a passion for helping others learn things from the things I write. Now that I am done my Ph.D. in Physics, I am stepping away from academic research so that I can indulge in some creative ways to share my knowledge and inspire the appreciation of scientific thinking in others. I am also working as a tutor, which is one of the jobs I've most enjoyed doing in my life so far.

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  • Digging myself out of a hole

    Posted by Qrystal on September 28, 2007 at 10:20.
    Category: Life. Tags: motivation, procrastination, reward.

    I’ll be the first to admit that blogging right now is not the best use of my time, no problemo.  But I really deserve to publically kick myself in the pants for my situation right now. I wonder if I’m addicted to procrastination or something, or if perhaps somehow my inner child (or inner brat) gets a huge kick out of the challenge of rushing around at the last minute in order to get something done in time for some deadline, self-imposed or not.  But how can it be enjoyable, when it always makes me miss the deadlines and feel awful?!  Maybe she’s rebelling against deadlines entirely. But when I manage to convince myself of the importance of a deadline, it only makes me feel worse when I miss it. Why do I do this to myself? This shouldn’t be this difficult!!  I can’t seem to get it through my head that getting things done gets them out of the way, and stress is reduced, and there’s more time to play!  I must need a better work-then-reward system. And I should stop giving myself the carrot before I’m done the task that the carrot is supposed to motivate me into doing.

    It doesn’t matter what the task was this time, because I’m not here to make a record of the specific failures, but to encourage myself to find ways to manage the cause of the failures.  But I will mention that it’s relatively “safe” for me to be here now, because I have officially realized that there is no way to finish what I’m working on today in time for it to be used today. Now, it just has to be done by Monday at this time. Hey, so I guess I can just relax now, take a nap, maybe do a little online gaming… okay, I’m half joking, because I actually think I know better than to do gaming when I really just want to get this particular task done. But I’m so tired.. the nap thing might actually be a really good idea.  I found myself getting flustered as well as frustrated a few times already this morning, and that doesn’t help when the task I’m doing demands confidence as well as accuracy. /sigh…

    Ohhh, the keyboard wrist-rest makes such a nice headrest… /yawwwwnnnn…

    AH! But if I nap now, that’s like rewarding myself before the task, isn’t it? Maybe I should try to get a second wind (or first wind, since I don’t think I’ve felt much like doing anything yet today) before I give in to the desire to nap. I will do some invigorating yoga postures, shower, make a super-energizing vegetable juice, and get through some of what I have to do, before letting myself nap.

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