So why have I not torn open the envelope yet? Am I too wrapped up in documenting the experience perfectly? Or am I just having fun drawing out the experience, with the delicious anticipation that is much like opening the last, really big present that was inconspicuously hiding deep under the Xmas tree, appearing as if it was just there for decoration because there really can’t be a present THAT big, for ME, could there be?!

Whatever the case may be, I’m ready to be ready to start this. Wait, what? Does that mean I am, or am not ready? Maybe I just need a countdown… 4, 3, 2, 1, GO!

I pulled the tab, and found…

Inside, there are some printouts (better quality than the ones I made myself from the ebook notes), some cards advertising the Fluent Self and Shiva Nata blogs, a handwritten letter from Havi (I love checking out people’s handwriting, especially interesting creative people!), and Andrey Lappa’s Dance of Shiva DVD with so much information written on it, I decide I need a good few minutes to spend contemplating the words.

…Hmm. I am a little underwhelmed by the words, because they are a little more mystical than Havi’s much more practical “If You Do This, Epiphanies Will Come, And Here’s Why” approach.  But I suppose in both cases they are all just words, and I bet the words barely scratch the surface of what the DVD will contain.  Besides, just because my usual field of study uses some of the same words for more concrete things (if energy can be considered concrete, which I suppose it can’t really) doesn’t mean that the words aren’t allowed to describe less tangible things that are more about the mind’s perception than about something measurable.

I peeled away the cellophane, and found…

I quite like the design of the front cover and the DVD insert.  There are mountains subtly lining the bottom edge of everything, and the sky colour is a calm purplish blue. There is useful information tucked everywhere, including an outline of the DVD menus, a nice touch. And the DVD booklet appears to be a guide, so I will skim through that next.

I started reading the booklet, and found…

Blah blah blah, personal growth, yeah yeah I know why I bought this… ah, oh, this is interesting:  now I know that there are five basic leg positions in addition to the eight arm positions.  I’m so excited to make this into a full-body practice!

The guide suggests that the theory section is “not absolutely necessary” before the practice, which leads me to conclude that I can check out the theory first if I want, or not, though I probably will—after all, I do consider myself a theoretician because of my love of theory! :)

It also looks like all the sequences of movements are presented granularly, and each small part can be played in “repeat mode” until it becomes easy (which is the sign to move forward to something else, to keep the challenge up).  The interface looks to be designed to be very straightforward, while also allowing flexibility of what to choose to do for practice. Colour me impressed!

My only disappointment so far is finding out that this DVD only goes through Level 1 and 2 completely, and it just scratches the surface of Level 3. What if I find this all easy and end up accidentally mastering it way faster than expected?  I know I’m not supposed to be aiming to master it, but what if it happens?  I don’t know quite why I am so afraid of my own potential for brilliance, but I do know that this fear hinders me in a lot of ways.  Maybe I just need to give this dance a try, so I can be humbled by it…

I started the DVD, and found…

It starts with a beautiful introductory scene of misty mountains, plus a greeting from Andrey.  He looks so serious as he does his demonstration, making it almost seem martial rather than blissful!  Also, his accent is a bit thick; I don’t know where it’s from, but I find accents interesting, so I’m okay with this. Besides, if my university education has taught me anything, it’s that I can get used to any accent after I hear it enough!

I watched all the Introductory stuff, and discovered that my transition from vertical 4 to 1 was not as spirally as it was supposed to be, but I think I’ve fixed that now.  It’s all about the cycloid motion!  The Basic Movement Practice was the same sort of thing that I’ve been doing this past week, without any of the complications that I was introducing for fun. (I got bored and skipped ahead through it, and didn’t see anything about the leg positions, so I figure that won’t come into play until quite a bit later.)

Still thirsting for a challenge, I stepped into Level 1.  I almost just dove right into the Practice, but then couldn’t resist learning the theory first.  I definitely appreciate the geometric explanation of the movements as connections between points in space, especially the rotations of the symbolic representation.  Patterns!  Mathematical patterns! They sing to my heart!  :)

And then I set sail into Level 1, and found…

The first few rounds of horizontal movements were easy, thanks to my practicing beforehand.  But soon enough, I was flailing around, sometimes going backwards when I should be going forwards, or down when I should be going up, but I never felt totally lost.  It all makes sense, you see, but there is still a disconnect between what I know I understand, and what my uncoordinated arms are doing.  It’s all part of the process, though, and I’m so excited to be in it!

Also, I don’t think I need to worry about accidentally achieving mastery anytime soon, because there are a LOT of exercises in Level 1, and they probably get increasingly difficult.  So, yay, I get to look forward to a lot of future progress!

After my first run-through of the first exercise in level one, I feel tired like I did some physical exercise, which is good, because I did.  As I sat afterwards to let it absorb, I noticed myself really listening to outdoor noises, like a dog barking and a plane passing overhead. For some reason, this prompted a remembered feeling of being at the lake where my family had our camp (or cottage, if you’re not up with the lingo of Northern Ontario).  There wasn’t anything specific being remembered, just sounds leading to a feeling that made me think of childhood, and it felt noteworthy so I’m noting it here.

After the first night at sea, I found…

I am irresistibly drawn to the idea of writing the steps down, so I can learn them and know them and master them.  Is this my perfectionism, or just my way of handling learning a new thing?  Or is my worrying about doing this an indication that I am too afraid of doing things wrong?

Oh!  Yes!  This!  I am definitely afraid of doing things wrong.  This has held me back a lot in my thesis too, until recently anyways.  I think what I am starting to realize is that there are many things where I can choose how I will do them, and even if it’s different from how others do it, it’s not wrong.

This wanting-to-write-the-steps-down does not mean I am forgetting that Shiva Nata is supposed to involve challenging myself to the point of flailing around awkwardly; I think that writing down the progression will enable me to turn to additional ways to keep it challenging, like moving to music instead of Andrey’s voice on the DVD.

I am noticing that I still don’t trust my memory to remember the progression without writing it down, and this is a pattern of mine too, but that doesn’t mean I need to shut down the pattern and not let it continue.  It is not wrong for me to want to write down the progression of motions!

So: I give myself official permission to do this, because it will help me with understanding.  Besides, the same series is used for the main horizontal arm sequence as for the main vertical arm sequence, and it appears these each of these might get used later in combination with the foot movements too.

After plotting the course, I found…

I was right about suspecting that writing it down would help me:  it helped me separate what Andrey was saying from what he was doing.  What he is doing is actually the mirror image of what he says he is doing, so that when we are learning from him, we just mirror what he does and then it ends up that we are doing what he says he is doing.  Twice in the horizontal practice, however, he mixes up by saying what he himself is doing rather than what he is modelling for us to do, and since I had been listening more than watching, I found myself in different poses from Andrey.  After I wrote everything down, I saw the differences, and was able to see the pattern more clearly and not get mixed up.

I feel like this is almost a justification of my perfectionist nature, but it also demonstrates that sometimes it’s more important for a person to publish something and get it out there than to sit and fret about every little detail, because the audience will probably be able to figure it out.  I greatly respect Andrey already for what I’ve learned from his lessons, and now that I have made sense of what was happening, I can move forward comfortably.

After a few days at sea, I found…

Some of the practice sequences are shorter than others, presumably because they’re going to get complicated soon by combining everything together.  I keep pushing forward by trying at least one new thing each day, but today (Day 6) I did two new things because one of them (transquarters) was a short and straightforward exercise, much like the horizontal-vertical links one that I learned last day (Day 5).  I stumbled a bit through the fast version of each of these, but not as much as I stumble in the main horizontal and vertical sequences (the ones I wrote down the steps for).  I like the fast exercises, even if I can’t quite keep up, because I am getting a belly workout from the laughing! :)

The other thing I did today was learn the leg positions– there’s so many ways to move between the positions, I’m almost intimidated to move forward!  But I don’t have to move forward today, because I’ve done enough.  It seems that I feel ‘done’ after about half an hour, and according to the documentation it would be okay if I did much less than this each time.  I still hope I’m not moving through too quickly!  (Hello, “worry of being wrong” pattern!)

Oh, I forgot to sit and absorb my learning today.  I guess I’m feeling antsy about a bunch of other things right now, and just wanted to write down my progress without pausing first.  Writing is somewhat meditative for me anyways, so I’m deciding that it’s okay to let myself do this sometimes too.  Although now that I’ve caught up in my writing about it, I find myself really wanting to just sit and let the thoughts percolate.

After sitting quietly, calmly fishing, I found…

I felt better, even though I didn’t really sort anything out in my mind as I was sitting.  I wasn’t really thinking about much, but my mind wasn’t still and peaceful or anything either.  It was just meandering, and I was letting it.  I had my eyes closed for the first few minutes, and then I opened them for another few minutes and just watched my screen saver cycle through some of my photography, and it was just nice.

Maybe these pauses can help me overcome my struggling to do more things, by reminding me that inaction can be peaceful.  Perhaps the quiet time can also help me be more conscientious of what I am going to do next, to ensure that I am not turning to unhelpful activities (like “catching up” in twitter or facebook) as an escape from things that will help me move toward the things I want (like being done school, and getting to work on my own writing and procreating and all that jazz).

Also, I’m thinking I’m about ready to post this summary of my first week of Shiva Nata.  Maybe I’ll wait and see if any new epiphanies come out of the latest expansions of my practice, and the ridiculous flailing as I try to keep up with things beyond my skills.

Speaking of epiphanies, I’m not sure if I’ve many major ones due to the practice yet, but that might be because I’m somewhat used to having insightful realizations.  The latest ones might have a bit more sparkle than usual, though, because I am actively trying to notice them and cherish them and let myself feel them.

It is definitely helping a lot to consider that everything I do is made up of patterns, and that I can learn more about them by mixing them up instead of just trying to stop them in their tracks if I don’t like them.  Subtle differences in things might have not-so-subtle consequences, and the additional flexibility in thinking is surely helping me feel like I have more strength with which to respond to external influences.

After a few more days’ voyage, I found…

I think I have my sea legs! That is to say, I’ve done the first and second leg sequences with the horizontal and vertical arm patterns respectively. I’m surprised at how much less confusing this is than I thought it would be: the legs actually help me keep track of where I am in the pattern!

I thought I was getting good enough at the first leg sequence with horizontal arms that it would be interesting to try the fast version… and oh boy how I flailed, and laughed, and kept flailing, and kept laughing!  It was fantastic!  I mean, I had floundered a bit when learning a few other sequences and all the floundering had me giggling, but this time I was laughing because of how chaotic it felt!

Screwing up didn’t stop me either!  I kept tap-tap-tap-tapping my foot to keep the rhythm with my feet, even though I couldn’t for the life of me figure out which way to move my foot next. My arms, they kept flailing in almost-spiral motion, and I kept “almost returning” to the pattern I knew I knew, but never quite felt like I got it for a whole cycle.  I never felt frustrated, though, because I knew that by doing it wrong, I was doing it right!  And I wanted to keep going, trying again and again, but I decided to give my arms a rest and let my mind chew on what it was fed, until another day when I will try it all again.

I am starting this log by documenting the very first day of ordering Havi Brooks’ Shiva Nata Starter Kit, which came with downloadable reading materials which allowed me to actively learn about Shiva Nata before getting to do the real thing. When the DVD comes, it will show me what Level 1 means, and once I try it, I will no longer be at Level Zero– and so, that is when I will publish this post.

My first day – Fri Oct 01, ’10

Hey, how convenient: my first day of Shiva Nata was also the first of the month! That will make it easy to keep track of things! :)

On the first day, I read through the Getting Started report that came with the Starter Kit, and it suggested learning the hand positions in advance of receiving the DVD which will show how to use these positions.  I started with just learning the horizontal ones, running through them a few times to practice feeling what it’s like to make the transitions from each to the next in sequence.  And then I stopped, because I didn’t want to hurt myself:  my wrists tend to hurt on a regular basis, so I wanted to be careful about straining them.  I felt pretty good after this though, and the tingling in my wrists seemed to be mild enough that it was like an affirmation that I was doing something good (both in the doing, and the stopping).

Later, when I was biking down an empty street, I took my hands off the handlebars to stretch like I often do, and I found myself going through the motions of the horizontal positions!  I laughed to myself about how I thought my memory would be burdened by having to remember how they go.  As I thought about this more, it occurred to me that maybe I just don’t trust myself enough to remember things, but that if I gave myself the benefit of the doubt, I would probably remember more things, more often.  I am going to count this as my first mini-epiphany!

My second day – Sat Oct 02, ’10

I went through the horizontal positions again, still delighting in the fact that I remember them.  Also, I was thinking about how pretty the motion is of cycling between the positions.  I started watching my shadow, to see if my arms were approaching the angles I was hoping they were, because I want my muscles to remember as correctly as possible. Always improving is an excellent target too though, I think!

Then I learned the vertical positions, which are mostly easier, except one of them which feels like a crazy contortion that is beyond what I am capable of doing.  Luckily, I happened upon a very recent article about arm positions on the Shiva Nata blog, and discovered that the positions themselves are approximations, and that everyone finds their own right way to do them.  What is important (or what will be, once I get into the pattern part of Shiva Nata) is the mental exercise involved in learning and trying and practicing.  So, so what if my hands aren’t quite vertical in position three… they aren’t in position four either, and that one I’m doing “by the book”!  In fact, I am doing V3 and V4 with very similar hand angles, which seems like a beautiful thing that I am going to appreciate just the way it is.

And then, with a bit of a giggle, I decided to challenge myself to go one baby step further:  I went through the horizontal positions in reverse order.  It felt intriguingly different, and yet my mind lapped up the challenge as if it was delicious.  I’m pretty sure I giggled a little bit when I got through the reverse motions the first time (okay, maybe the second and third time too).

So, this baby-stepping shivanaut-in-training is going to be so ready for the DVD when it comes! :) (I’ll let myself claim to be a shivanaut once I do my first pattern-y thing of Level 1. For now, “in training” works for me!)

My third day – Sun Oct 03, ’10

Today I reviewed the horizontal and vertical hand positions, cycling through in order and in reverse order. I tried going fairly quickly, feeling myself flow between positions, sometimes not thinking about it and sometimes finding myself messing up. Was I challenging my mind, or letting it wander? It was hard to say, but since I’m just practicing remembering the positions, I figure I need this part to become instinctive, so my mind is allowed to wander (for now).

Then I tried quizzing myself on the hand positions, saying a number and direction (horizontal and vertical) without thinking of the position as something in a numerical sequence (so, to think of the fourth horizontal position, I was trying not to think about how the first three lead up to it).  This was tougher than going through the positions in order, and so I could tell that it was a good idea.  I definitely need to do this again!  (If I had a familiar programming environment handy, I bet I could easily come up with something that will randomly pop up a letter H or V and number from 1 through 4, thus making it impossible to predict the next move!)

I read a bit more of the documentation too, and it occurred to me that I haven’t quite given myself the opportunity to sit quietly afterwards and let my mind absorb what it has done.  I must remind myself to do that next time, because I can see how it will be useful, and I’ve always been intrigued by the idea of incorporating some meditation into my daily routine.  Maybe the mental and physical flailing will, as some of the other shivanauts have reported, help my mind resist flitting around between thoughts like it tends to do.

My fourth day – Mon Oct 04, ’10

This was a pretty full day, and had some pretty wretched happenings in the afternoon, which got soothed (along with the usual mid-afternoon peckishness) by a beautiful and delicious, sweet and fruity snack.  But even the snack didn’t have me convinced I was feeling ready to practice Shiva Nata positions, even though I had been excited about it earlier, when I got the email saying the DVD was in the mail.  So instead, I read at the Shiva Nata blog, looking for something to consider while  doing today’s practice (thus sparking the practice to happen).

What I discovered was a cautionary tale that rang so true with me, I could almost hear a gong sound reverberating inside my head.  Apparently, a type of epiphany common to shivanauts is one that seems to make so much sense, it makes people feel “like an idiot for not coming up with it sooner”, as Havi writes in a blog post about a mini-epiphany she had. Which makes me wonder, why do we minimize our epiphanies by appending ‘mini’ to them?  I did it too!  Is it because I felt like an idiot for not realizing my epiphany sooner, and I’m minimizing to turn it into not such a big deal?  Hmm! Someone in the comments of the article admitted that he found himself avoiding Shiva Nata because the epiphanies were making him feel dumb, and here is where I realized something about myself:  I really don’t like feeling dumb, and so there’s a good chance I would be susceptible to this.  In fact, I think there’s a very good chance that I already ignore some of my better inspirations and judgements because to acknowledge them involves admitting great stupidity.

This pattern of mine is a big part of my anxiety, I think.  I know better, but am not yet doing better, and it seems stupid and so I am ready to depart from this pattern but it’s really hard to just shake out of it.  I’m hoping that Shiva Nata can act as a keystone to help all the other plans fit into place, or maybe a lens to focus attention or energy, or even just an air intake valve to permit the sparks to ignite, or any combination of these or anything else that helps me figure out a way out of this pattern.  Heck, maybe I’ll have an inspiration that helps me finally accept that it doesn’t help to think about things much beyond the point where it’s best to just do something instead.

Hmm. I should try that. Just DO the Shiva Nata. Then sit. Then DO some thesis. Trust that it will all work out, somehow, especially if the thesis (and the thesis-writer) is getting regular attention.

[Later:] I ended up not getting around to doing the Shiva Nata until almost dinnertime, when I was hovering in the kitchen, watching and stirring things occasionally.  It does make for a nice activity to pass the time while it’s not a good idea to leave the kitchen, and while there isn’t really much to do while in there.  I just went through sequences of hand positions, all still symmetric with both hands doing the same thing, in patterns to practice transitions from each position to each of the others (so, 1 to 2, 1 to 3, 1 to 4, 2 to 1, 2 to 3, 2 to 4, 3 to 1, 3 to 2, 3 to 4, 4 to 1, 4 to 2, 4 to 3), for the horizontal ones and then the verticals.

Again, though, I didn’t sit down to let the results sink in, but I didn’t really felt like I did anything hard today so maybe there were no results to absorb. Or maybe I was just hungry and wanted to eat my dinner when it was ready. :)

My fifth day – Tue Oct 05, ’10

Today I started my practice early, because I want it to become a habit for me to reach for it eagerly, instead of letting it go undone for most of the day, allowing feelings of guilt to fester.  I took a break from practice to write down yesterday’s ‘Later’ efforts, and to jot down what I have done (and am about to continue doing) today.

I’ve been thinking over the past day or so that maybe I am more creative than I give myself credit for.  I mean, I keep thinking I’m not sure what I’ll do next with these Shiva Nata hand positions, and I keep coming up with new patterns to try out.  There is a point I won’t cross, though:  I like thinking that if I keep my hands doing the same things all the time, I’m saving my ultimate confusion for when the DVD instructs me to do differently. :)

So far this morning, I found myself forming groups of four positions, and then repeating each group a few times until it flows nicely, so usually at least three or four repetitions.  In a group, I always include one of each number, but not necessarily in sequence, and not necessarily all horizontal or all vertical.  My plan for immediately after I’m done writing is to continue doing this, but make each repetition of a group a bit faster.  And then I will sit, and see how that goes, and then I will do my work for the day, and see how that goes.

My sixth day – Wed Oct 06, ’10

I did a minimal practice today, just going through the positions in order a few times forwards and backwards. Not feeling all that well, but at least the practice didn’t make things worse. The only help I could sense was the relief that I didn’t have to worry about the fact that I hadn’t practiced today yet.  I’m not sure why I wasn’t in the mood to mix things up with varying patterns, but if that’s where I am today, so be it.

My seventh day – Thu Oct 07, ’10

I skipped practice altogether, and I’m trying not to feel bad about it because the reason I skipped it was because I’ve been feeling physically unwell (worse than yesterday).  I did dream about doing Shiva Nata positions, though, and there were some interesting thoughts that came out of it anyways, so… maybe I didn’t really skip it after all.

In the dream, the DVD had arrived (yay!) and so I put it on and started to learn about what the  next steps were. What I found was that the actual steps were the same simple things I’ve already been doing, and so I was annoyed that I wasn’t learning anything new, or that my initial guesses of neat warm-up ideas were not different from the real thing after all.  I was annoyed at the fact that my dream practice was still stuck in symmetric-hands mode, even after getting the DVD.  I wanted a challenge!

I don’t usually yearn for challenge, so waking up to this feeling was strange to me.   I wondered if the dream meant I was afraid I would get bored of Shiva Nata, or if it the dream was an expression of fear about something completely different: my thesis, and the fear was that my calculations wouldn’t help discover anything new at all after all.  Or maybe it was an expression of my stuckness, repeating the same stuck patterns over and over and over.  Hmmm!

My eighth day – Fri Oct 08, ’10

Still feeling physically troubled, I seriously contemplated skipping the exercise again, but then decided to go ahead and try it anyways. After all, I’ve been starting to see that one of my patterns is how I put things off, everything from starting work for the day, to answering an email or making a phone call, to getting ready to leave the house, to doing Shiva Nata– yes, yesterday’s omission was not fully intentional; I just never got around to it and then it was too late and I was sad about that. (Oh! Maybe this is like a lesson about what happens if I don’t do the things I want to do: I may run out of time and become sad I missed the chance!)

Also, I’ve been having so many “moments of bing” (as they’re called on the Shiva Nata blog) and I want to make sure they continue!  Especially since I encountered another article there about how epiphanies can really seem like obvious, “stoopid” things sometimes, but it explains how the experience of Shiva Nata epiphanies is so visceral, it’s like understanding at a whole new level.  This gave me hope that maybe my epiphanies (even the pre-Shiva Nata ones, since I definitely wasn’t lacking in those, just lack of making them click, or something) really will be useful to me, because instead of just knowing something, I’ll know it in my bones, and thus maybe I’ll be better able to apply it.

So, not putting it off any more, I’m going to do my shivanuttery practice RIGHT NOW~! …Ahhhh, now I feel better, at least a little bit.  I noticed myself still not feeling inclined to go in mixed-up numerical order, and I’m not sure why. (Pattern? Wanting to stick to what is comfortable?)  I also found myself doing the in-order stuff really, really quickly, even if I changed which number I started on or the direction I was going.  So, hmm, the challenge is definitely diminishing.  I guess I’ll go back to mixing up the order of positions if/when I practice this weekend, because since it’s Friday today, I guess I won’t get the DVD until Tuesday at the earliest (thanks to the Thanksgiving long weekend).

For something new today, I tried bending at the waist so my horizontals were now vertical and my verticals were something else entirely.  I wasn’t sure if this would seem all that different, but I was surprised that it did trip me up a little bit: I mixed up my horizontals and verticals!  Am I associating these notions with the direction of gravity, then, instead of the line of my body?  If so, YAY for my physical understanding of those terms as we use them in physics!  :) I couldn’t stay in that bent-over pose for long (funny bloodrush, oo!) but the stretch in reaching down with the vertical hand positions felt good physically.

My ninth and tenth days – Sat & Sun Oct 09 & 10, ’10

A busy weekend with family and friends left me without much time to myself, so I opted not to do Shiva Nata.  I did, however, have a fantastic idea for a novel, one that connects together a lot of different ideas that I’ve had in the past. If the documentation about Shiva Nata is right about how mental connections are easier to form after physically playing with patterns of arm positions, perhaps this novel idea counts as a shivanautical epiphany!

Alas, I won’t feel right taking the time to write this novel until after I’m done my thesis, because there will be a lot of research involved for it.  It might be important enough, though, to do before all the other ideas I have for books.  It is THAT big.

My eleventh day – Mon Oct 11, ’10

I just did a little bit of practicing Shiva Nata positions (in order, nothing complicated, but I did it slower and more deliberate, while looking in reflective glass cupboard doors to ensure my arms had good form) as a break from work, but before that, I did some serious inward contemplation that helped me understand a bit more about why working on my thesis intimidates me so much.  It was definitely a good, solid step towards finding out more about the pattern I want to unravel with my Shiva Nata practice.

My twelfth day – Tue Oct 12, ’10

Today, I was all gung ho about reading stuff while I continue to eagerly await the DVD. (It’s international shipping, over a long weekend, so it taking a long time is expected.)  For some reason, I haven’t been wanting to explore too much unknown territory on my own, maybe still out of the fear that I’ll figure out so much on my own that I won’t like the DVD or something. No, that doesn’t feel quite right, but there is something like that holding me back.

In my reading at the Shiva Nata blog, though, I found a pattern to try out!  Most steps in the pattern have both hands in the same place, so it isn’t a huge step from where I was with my own patterns; the main difference though is how the whole pattern itself is bigger:  it’s got groups of four, and always one of each number in a set, but it has four groups of four to make sixteen steps.  Just four of the sixteen steps have each hand doing a different thing, but these poses fit so nicely into the spiralling pattern of sequential numbers, and there is a lovely symmetry in how they are implemented.

And OH BOY was I giggling as I started to get it!  It DOES feel like a dance when it gets flowing!  And it IS delightfully fun to fumble around with patterns that slowly become the ones intended!  AND I even remembered to sit afterwards and let myself absorb what I had done!  Yay, me!

I guess by my own criteria set forth in the intro to this post, I am now officially a Shivanaut because I have now done an actual patterny sequencey thing, and so I can’t say I’m at Level Zero anymore.  I’m not sure if I’m at Level One or not though, but I won’t find out until– Oh!  YAY!  THERE’S THE MAIL DELIVERY LADY, AND SHE HAS A DVD-SIZED PADDED-LOOKING ENVELOPE IN HER HANDS AS SHE WALKS UP TO MY PORCH!

I wait for her to move on to the next house, and take a few breaths to calm myself before opening the door, hoping not to squee! too loudly if it is, indeed, the Shiva Nata DVD.  I slowly, calmly open the door and reach towards the mailbox, calmly, slowly extracting the package.  I can’t see the label on it because there is other mail held against it with a rubber band.  As I step back inside and start closing the door behind me, I slowly, calmly peek underneath the other mail that is in the way, and “EEEEEE, HEEHEEHEE!” I erupt in squee, not quite managing to get the door closed before I let loose with that (oops? ahhh who cares, IT’S HERE IT’S HERE!).

Somehow, I manage to finish writing this before tearing open the envelope.  But now, I’m going to post this post, and start a new post for my impressions of the DVD. SQUEEEE! :)

I’ve also never sought out any activities that could be associated with dancing… except once, when I ordered a book about ballroom dancing because I wanted to have some clue of what to do at the first dance on my wedding day.  (We never really used the book at all, except as a reminder that we should maybe listen to our song once or twice and practice moving to it so we don’t fall all over ourselves when people are watching.) (Our first dance went fine, by the way, because my husband has a very good sense of rhythm and grace and I was smart enough to let him lead.)

Anyways, I wanted to write today because I’ve just ordered a starter kit for Shiva Nata, which is something I’ve been eyeing for awhile but hesitating to buy because I didn’t want it to happen on too much of a whim. I may have been hesitating because the description of Shiva Nata sounds almost too good to be true: it’s a fun form of exercise (which is weird enough, right?) dedicated to creating explosive revelations that will help me find ways to get results in things I’m trying to change about myself?!  Inconceivable!

Shiva Nata may be part dance and part exercise, but it claims to be more about transformation of one’s own patterns into new and better ones by using physical activity to stimulate mental changes.  From a bit of research I did a few times over the past few months of hemming and hawing about making the purchase, it appears to involve flailing arms (and eventually legs too, I guess) and challenging oneself to follow mathematical patterns (yummy!) while constantly stepping up the difficulty so it’s always meant to be more like stumbling than dancing.  It is named after Shiva, the Hindu god of dance and destruction, where the destruction is not meant to be a negative thing but rather a way of preparing for new creation, and where the dance is actually enacted for the purpose of this destruction.

I suppose I can see how all this information ties together and has powerful implications, but will it work for me?  Are my expectations dangerously high?  I don’t really like admitting it, but I’m really hoping this will help me overcome whatever it is that makes me feel like I’m stuck (or think I’m stuck, or behave like I’m stuck, or whatever), because merely analyzing it and attempting to push through it or talk myself out of it keeps feeling like it’s not working.

Sometimes, though, I feel totally fine, like when I’m actually doing the work I’m supposed to be doing.  Obviously, since I’m writing here instead of in my thesis document, right now is not one of those times.  But I have a new tool to try, and I’m trying very hard not to be terrified that I’ve just tried throwing money at the problem.

At very least, if I find myself sticking to this activity regularly, I’ll be able to (a) feel good about sticking to something (like I did for NaNoWriMo last year, and like I’m still doing with the three Most Important Tasks every day), and (b) feel physically good from the exercise too.  I’m also trying to do some walking everyday, partly as a meditative practice and partly as a way to practice having good posture, and apparently Shiva Nata will be good for both of those goals too.

So, all in all, I managed to convince myself to get this today and although there are a lot of good reasons for me to be happy about it, I’m still worried (and I’m sure it’s showing).  In fact, part way through reading the introductory material that was emailed when I purchased the Shiva Nata starter kit, the text asked me, “Are you noticing what you are feeling right now?”  And I laughed, thinking about how it was a terrible mishmash of good and bad things, and then I decided to take it one step further and make a list of words, just to see what happened.  Here’s what I came up with:

So, some of the feelings are probably pretty self-explanatory, but the very first one stands out as begging for more explanation.  I don’t quite know why I’ve been feeling sad today, only that there were several times in reading Havi’s words (either on her Fluent Self blog or in the Shiva Nata introductory notes) where tears welled up in my eyes and I wasn’t entirely sure why.  Or maybe I wasn’t quite ready to face why.  I think, maybe, probably, each little cry was because I haven’t been good about being kind to myself in order to get through things gently.  Or something.  I think I’m ready to change the subject again now, though, so, shall we return to the dance?

As I was reading the part of the introduction that explained the hand positions (the flailing part comes after knowing what parts I’ll be flailing between), I did try them out (well, half of them anyways, the so-called ‘horizontal’ positions) to see what they felt like.  My wrists protested a little bit, like they usually do when I do arm exercises, but afterwords they felt tingly like I had done something good.  Tomorrow I’ll try them again, and I’ll keep going in little tiny baby steps to learn the positions so that when the DVD comes in the mail, I’ll be all memorized-up and ready to go!

I intend to document the process here, not on a daily basis or anything strict like that, but I hope I’ll write more often than I have been.  The learning involved in this new dance will probably be very beneficial for me to document, and it might even be useful to others who are considering starting Shiva Nata or who are already starting it themselves.

Here’s hoping I find the new paths that I’m seeking for myself, and that it feels as good as I suspect it’s going to feel!

EDIT: I just found something in the reading material that explicitly says that Shiva Nata is not much of a dance after all. However, the concept still involves steps, like a dance does, and since it involves flailing and stumbling around, which is basically how I dance anyways, I’m still going to call it a dance. Besides, the idea of dancing sounds way more fun than the idea of exercise, so there, nya~! :)

Concept maps are … free form, [with] multiple hubs and clusters [that] can be created, unlike mindmaps which fix on a single conceptual center.

This quote from the concept map article at Wikipedia clearly summarizes why I should’ve been looking at concept mapping all along, instead of trying to constrain myself to the formats available in mind mapping software. I must’ve tried a dozen different mindmappers before I realized that I was having a problem with the basic premise, not the actual software. I really wanted a way to map out how concepts interrelate, not just how thoughts stem out from one concept!

Anyways, the point is: I found an awesomely flexible, Open Source beauty called VUE: Visual Understanding Environment. Even the meaning of its acronym speaks volumes to me! I am immensely pleased with this find, and highly recommend it to anyone who likes to think, analyze, understand, explore, connect, or even just play with ideas.

My jaw literally dropped and hung open for a few moments while this notion sunk in: this is the Mio™ Knight Rider™ GPS Portable Navigation Device. Yes, it actually speaks in the voice of KITT (William Daniels); and yes, I would seriously consider buying this because yes, I grew up in the 80’s and was in love with that hot Trans Am.

I’ve just added a new comic to my “Amusement” feed: The Joy of Tech comic… laughter is the best tech support. I was hooked, from just this one comic, well … and the title of the comic … and the fact that the whole site is about Geek Culture…

ANyways, this comic spoke to me, partly because I want an Android, and partly because it mentions one of the reasons why Open Source is so amazing.

I’ve already twittered some of my very first impressions, but I wanted to gather them in a coherent way, and flesh them out too.  In this post, I will recap my initial pre-release thoughts, through the feelings from the countdown to the hour of release, to actually using Chrome. I won’t discuss all the features, because that can be found elsewhere, but I will mention the ones that wooed me.

Pre-Release Thoughts

I heard the news via twitter:

yorgle: For you Scott McCloud fans,  http://www.google.com/googlebooks/chrome – comic book about Google’s new web browser “Chrome”. Brilliant! · [View Tweet]

I would’ve been intrigued by any announcement of anything new from Google, let alone a browser! With all those web-based things Google does (and yes, I use most of them), a browser from them must be A Good Thing.  Then again, I have been a fanbaby ever since I first used their search, so I’m bound to be biased:

Qrystal: / Big fan of Google, / and lots of their products too. / Forgive my bias! / -#haiku of apology .. I am so optimistic about Chrome though!!! · [View Tweet]

BUT, even more cool, the link from yorgle was to a comic-book description of this shiny new thing, and it’s an incredibly detailed account, with 38 pages of good dirt and loads of subtle humour…

——————————–>

The speed limit is a googol!!  Get it?!  Google? GET IT?!?!

/ Geeky giggling / at the Google Chrome comic! / I’m also drooling…!! / -#haiku about http://www.google.com/googlebooks/chrome/# · [View Tweet]

Anyways, the comic had me convinced that this new web browser was going to revolutionize web browsing. It not only promised the browser will be faster, safer, and more stable, but it explained how this was going to be achieved.  It also said that the browser was going to be Open Source (yay!) and that it is meant to be used to enhance, rather than compete with, all other browsers.  How flabbergastingly noble of them!  And I thought I loved Google before this new news!

Countdown to Release

After the initial shock wore off, a little bit of pessimism snuck into my thoughts.  This new product sounded way too good to be true, or if it was true, surely something else must go wrong:

/ Google Chrome coming / today at 18 o’ clock. / GMT, that is. / - #haiku of great anticipation! (Anticipate crash by 18:04.) · [View Tweet]

I continued to waver between surges of excitement:

/ 1 hour to go / until Google Chrome meets World! / Oooo! Shiny! Must have! / - #haiku · [View Tweet]

and feelings of dread, worrying what might happen at zero hour:

/ Just thirty minutes / until Internet goes boom! / Gears grind to a halt. / -#haiku of pondering what’ll happen when Google Chrome appears · [View Tweet]

/ Twelve minutes until / the web gets all furious / cuz nothing happens…. / -#haiku about the impending Google Chrome release · [View Tweet]

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock…

I decide to tune in to the release presentation, which sadly required me to open Internet Explorer (because I refuse to put a Windows Media Player plugin into my precious Firefox, and refuse to get RealPlayer).  I was not the only one displeased with this:

orenmazor: one point against google already for the chrome video: no quicktime option :( · [View Tweet]

But I put it out of my mind, and started grooving to the tunes provided:

/ “A Whole Lotta Love” / emanates from Google page / announcing The Chrome. / - #haiku about http://google.client.shareholder.com/Visitors/event/build2/MediaPre… · [View Tweet]

How appropriate, I thought to myself. Love. I love it! I was still smiling as the next song started:

/ Is this an omen? / “Another One Bites the Dust” / playing at Google… / – #haiku of dread? Eeeek! Come on, Google Chrome! · [View Tweet]

A lot of twitterers were chuckling about this choice of song, but personally, I couldn’t help but imagine it was a server biting the dust or something, and the download was not going to be able to happen. I wasn’t the only one questioning the choice of song:

dannysullivan: waiting for webcast, song playing for us is “another one bites the dust” perhaps not wise choice? or on purpose :) · [View Tweet]

Other meanings were pondered as well:

NanaGilbertB: Interesting choice of music for Chrome webinar. “Another One Bites The Dust” Are they talking about the other browsers? · [View Tweet]

When I saw this in the Google Chrome twitter search (which I was frantically refreshing while waiting for the webcast), I started chuckling too.

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock…

Soon, the release presentation began.  I was only about half watching it, partly because I had read about the features beforehand, and partly because the twitter search comments were amusingly taking up my attention.  I was mostly just impatiently waiting for the download to be available, but early in the presentation the release time was given as an hour later than I had originally thought, and so I tweeted a correction:

/ Countdown revision: / 45 minutes until / the Chrome hits the fan. / – #haiku of UBER-EXCITEMENT about Google Chrome!! · [View Tweet]

I continued tweeting my thoughts as they came to me:

/ Grabbably friendly / the Google Chrome web browser / sounds promiscuous! / – #haiku (30 minutes till download time!) · [View Tweet]

/ Love the idea / of viewing the processes / within the browser! / – #haiku about a Google Chrome feature · [View Tweet]

/ Why a new browser? / Faster, safer, more stable / and super-friendly! / – #haiku about Google Chrome, available for download in ~10min · [View Tweet]

/ DOWNLOADABLE NOW! / Behold: the beginning of / the Chrome Era. Woot! / – #haiku about Google Chrome, available at http://google.com/chrome · [View Tweet]

First Impressions

It was a little unnerving that Chrome was able to go ahead and install itself after I clicked its download link, but I supposed that meant it wasn’t doing anything that required Administrator-level permission.  I’m okay with that, because I’m sick of apps that make me jump in hoops just to install them (like, oh, say, any Adobe AIR app, which I can’t even install or update in XP using “Run As” Administrator! What’s the big idea, makin’ me log off and log back on? Grr! But I digress.)

I went ahead and started up Chrome, twitching with excitement.  It had a bit of trouble getting my Firefox bookmarks and settings, but I think it’s just because Firefox took forever to completely close.

I loaded up the twitter search to continue monitoring the flood of comments about Chrome, and promptly went to the Settings menu (the wrench icon) to poke around.  There wasn’t much to poke around with, but I saw (and thus I twittered) two tweaks I wanted to do right off the bat:

Qrystal: First tweaks of Google Chrome settings: turn off password saving (looks unencrypted?!), and restrict how third-party cookies can be used. · [View Tweet]

And then I went ahead and played around on the web.  I clicked, I surfed, and I fell in love.  I have never before felt any software run this quickly and smoothly.  It was unnerving!  I didn’t even know what to say about it, except to declare my undying love, so I just continued playing.  Meanwhile, I was listening to the question and answer part of the release presentation:

/ Someone just mentioned / Company Who Must Not Be Named / during Google show! / – #haiku (She said Voldemort, too!) and btw I <3 Chrome! · [View Tweet]

She actually said it much like this haiku, which was amusing, and then she muttered Microsoft under her breath, which was also amusing. And I made an oopsie in that last haiku; it had 8 syllables in the second line:

/ Ah, damn, I can’t count. / I must be having so much / fun testing out Chrome! / – #haiku (1st test: facebook app “Guess the Sketch”, heh.) · [View Tweet]

That facebook app worked very smoothly, to the point where I was suspicious that I had an unfair advantage of my competitors.  Talk about amazing!  I left the game to continue exploring.  Facebook itself had a few issues… many of the links just seem to do nothing, but that could be partly the fault of facebook’s new design (I’ve had the problem in Firefox too, intermittently).  The chat seemed to be confused by question marks, replacing each by a capital E with accent aigu.  But of course, that’s a beta website viewed on a beta browser, so I moved on.

As I was flying through the intertubes, I was consciously looking for flaws in the interface and how it felt or behaved.  It was tremendously difficult to find anything, which bodes well, but eventually one thing came to mind:

/ Complaint about Chrome: / it’s faster than I’m used to! / It’s freaking me out! / – #Chrome #haiku · [View Tweet]

So, like so many others, my first impression was amazement at how blazing fast it is.

Delving Deeper

My second impression was how intuitive Chrome is to use, particularly its new features!  Again, I am not alone in this impression! I find it completely amazing that something so revolutionary has such a minor learning curve. There was a moment when I realized that it would be very easy to actually forget I was testing out a new browser.  I honestly felt that comfortable.

The biggest step in the learning curve was getting over the fact that the tabs are at the very top of the screen, above the address bar. Oops, I mean: the Omnibar, which seems to be much more awesome than Firefox’s “Awesome bar”, at least in that I’m noticing how immensely helpful it is. It really does seem to learn from my choices, and it just keeps getting better at guessing.  I couldn’t intuit how to make it search, but I found the answer easily when I looked for it:  the TAB key is key.

Also tricky for me was the fact that my desktop background image had a blue sky very similar in colour to Chrome’s “chrome” (the part of the browser that surrounds the webpage, and where the browser gets its name), so I went ahead and changed my background image. Sure, it would’ve been nice to be able to change the chrome colour instead, but I’m willing to wait for that.  I was about ready for a new desktop background anyways.

I was most excited to try out a feature known as “Application Shortcuts”, which creates a less browser-like window that can be used to run a web-based application.  I use a lot of web apps from Google and many others, and in fact I vaguely remember, awhile ago, trying and being disappointed by something called Bubbles, and also Mozilla’s Prism.  I tried Prism again much more recently (I think only a week or two ago!), checking to see if it was working yet, but alas, no, it didn’t cut it.

With trepidation and great hope, I tried it out using Chrome.  First up to bat: Gmail, because hey, it’s Google, right? The setup process was incredibly easy, even without looking up how to do it (I only looked it up to link it~!) and within moments, I was looking at a beautiful Gmail icon on my desktop.  So I saved a copy of the shortcut to the Start Menu, and chose to also Pin to Start Menu so it would always be handy.  Then I went ahead and did the same thing for Toodledo and LiquidPlanner and Joe’s Goals.  My Quick Launch Bar contains links to some of the less important, but still often used, web app-like places that I also love and would be able to make use of quick links to:  blip.fm, SocialThing!, PhotoBlog, and there will surely be more.  I may even put some on my Desktop, who knows?  They’re as flexible as ordinary shortcuts, but they use the website favicons and open the website in a super-speedy dedicated web browsing window.  Perfect.

Final Thoughts

So, I am quite amazed with Chrome, but the question everyone seems to be asking and answering lately is:  will it be my default browser?

Believe it or not, I say yes, Chrome is perfect as my default browser! It opens links so quickly, whether a browser was open already or not.  I often find myself quickly wanting to look something up, or clicking on links from other programs (like the twhirl twitter client).  The quickness of Chrome makes this possible, but only if I set it as my default! And with this going for it, why wouldn’t I?

I’ll also still be using Firefox for many things (Diigo and StumbleUpon both come to mind), and also for things that don’t quite work right in Chrome (such as facebook, as described above, and WordPress, which tends to freeze up sometimes when I use the pulldown Format menu when writing a post).  I also feel more comfortable, for now, using Firefox for things requiring security, like banking, but this may change as Chrome matures.  And, of course, I have to keep Firefox handy for website development and testing.  I still love Firefox, but I suspect I’ll be using both browsers interchangeably for awhile.

Overall, I give great kudos to Google, for this incredible new browser. I can’t wait to see how it evolves in time!

I recently discovered LiquidPlanner, a project planner based on a unique concept:  that plans are meant to be fluid, and that nothing can be planned with exact certainty.

With normal planning software, this fluidity causes the need to replan and tweak and fiddle… and in my case, my tendency towards optimism resulted in me letting myself down with every “deadline” I invented for myself.

LiquidPlanner is different:  I have one target date for completion of the entire project, and each part of the project has an estimated range for when it might be completed.

Harmony between optimism and realism?!  Believe it!

I’ve never written a rhyming haiku before, mostly because I like that it’s not required. I think I just got a little overboard in my giddiness, and it came out in rhyme. I’d apologize, but .. nah! :)

Anyways, I’m writing today because I’ve decided I can’t resist any longer: I just have to write about twitter, because I’ve recently gotten into microblogging in a big way. And I know it will only be more fun if more people join me in it!! But in order for me to convince people to join me, I need to explain what I’m trying to get them into.

Twitter in Brief(s?)

Twitter asks, “What are you doing?” and it gives you 140 characters in which to answer. It’s simple, it’s beautiful, and yes, it’s free.

You can post your messages (commonly called tweets) publically, or you can send them directly and privately to people (if you’re “following” each other). Post via the twitter webpage, by sending a text message, or by any of an array of third-party apps that run outside of your web browser (with whimsical names like twirl and twitterific), or inside it (like Twitterfox). So Twitter can really be used just about anywhere, which is … crazy? odd? silly? fun? or all of the above?

You can opt to receive some, none, or all direct messages as text messages on your cell phone. In fact, the 140-character limit was probably chosen to coincide with the limits of text messages, and so it’s no surprise that there is a great synergy between Twitter and cell phones. Or you can be alerted by email, instant messager, RSS feed, or you can collect a daily digest of tweets and post it on your blog or other online profile.

Twitter can be like a multi-faceted conversation between many people, or more like a bulletin board, or a place to vent about the world without having to direct it to anyone in particular. You can listen to what’s being said back, listen to friends’ or strangers’ random conversations or comments, or ignore the listening side of things altogether. It can be as integrated with or distanced from your life as you want, really. But because of the low commitment and high reward, I find it tempting to keep it close to me.

A very nice overview of Twitter comes from Common Craft’s “Plain English” series:

Twitter versus Facebook versus Chat/IM

There’s so much more to Twitter than just chatting with or listening to friends or strangers. This is important, because in all honesty, nobody really cares what John Q. Public had for lunch.

A big part of the “social networking”, “web 2.0″ buzz that’s been booming online is the idea of having a presence online, as opposed to just having content there. A quality internet presence is developed over time, and developing this presence is extremely useful for people whose livelihood is based on whether people go to them for information or advice. There are actually so many business and marketing applications, it’s really becoming quite a phenomenon, but there isn’t much I can say about it from experience — yet! ;)

On the social side of things, there’s two things I could compare Twitter to: instant messaging, and facebook. I find that Twitter gives me the things I like about both of them, without any of the annoying crap that makes me want to avoid both of them like the plague.

I must say I’ve been really disenchanted with instant messaging lately, because there are really so many other (lower maintenance) ways of being in touch with people. There are really very few times when a serious interactive conversation needs to take place, and for those, sure, chat is nice. There are also only a few people that I only “see” via chat, and it’s always good to “see” them when I do. But since I don’t log in often, upon logging in I have to be prepared to get inundated with those, “OMG hi how are you? long time no see, whatcha been up to?” messages. The thing is, they would know what I’ve been up to if they’ve been paying attention to my Twitter updates! :P

Facebook, on the other hand, is all about keeping in touch with people without having to do anything. My distant friends can be close to my heart, without my having to endure small talk or having to actually ask what’s going on in their lives, because I can just look at their profile page and see the latest and greatest. Then when I have a thought I want to share with a friend, or a great memory of the good ol’ days, I can just skip right to the point and say it on their wall or in a private message. But my favourite aspect of facebook is the status updates, for two reasons:

• It tends to get updated more often than profile details, so I can get a better feeling of what my friends’ lives are like. This concept has been referred to as “ambient intimacy” — isn’t that a beautiful phrase?!
• I can get a quick overview of what everyone’s been up to lately, all at once, from the “Friends -> Status Updates” page, and so it’s easier. And what’s easier, gets done more often than other things!

Interestingly enough, Facebook has recently added Chat to their repetoire, which will bridge the gap between these two concepts. I think it will be a great fit, because I’ve occasionally tossed a “hello” at a friend when noticing that they’re online, and Chat will be easier than doing this via the Wall… especially because even getting to someone’s Wall involves scrolling past all sorts of annoying “facebook apps” that I’ve probably ignored invitations to join — this is why I am tempted to avoid facebook like the plague some days!

Twitter can be like Chat too, though: send a direct message to someone, thus starting a conversation. The recipient can then reply whenever it happens to be a good time to reply, and if it happens to be a good time for both people, a dialog can start up. Or if there is a delay in the messages, it’s more like passing notes in between classes at school — ah, fond memories for me!

More excitingly, Twitter can be that “stream of consciousness” that lets people see “whatcha been up to” without you having to tell them… and vice versa. Even the mundanities of everyday life are interesting to people who care, and that’s a big part of why Twitter is such a success.

Making Twitter My Own

What can make or break a Twitter experience, though, is who you’re following. I’m sure it would be easy to get overwhelmed by someone who twitters dozens of pointless public messages a day. Just to exercise restraint, I try to stick to tweets that I put a bit of thought into.. but that’s just me. More on that in a sec, I need to give a bit of my twitter-history.

I actually started out on Twitter knowing nobody. I still don’t actually “know” any of the half-dozen people I am following, but I’ll send them messages occasionally. I’m mostly just posting comments to the Twitterverse as a whole, and displaying those comments in a sidebar on my blog and in facebook. But I’d love to actually be able to follow some people I know! (Come on! Join Twitter, and follow me!)

The reason I actually signed up in the first place was because Toodledo can receive Twitter messages and update my to do list automatically. It’s handy when on the go, and I use it a handful of times a week — I’m not really on the go all that often, but when I am, I find I’m usually in places too noisy to use Jott to update my Toodledo list.

Next, I found a way to twitter-update my facebook status, which was done via a facebook app called TwitterSync. This worked well, until I started updating my Twitter status way more often than necessary… teeheehee, oops!

Then I added a feed to the sidebar of this blog, so I could be constantly updating my status here too. Oh joy of joys, now this is microblogging! And I started posting more and more, despite not knowing if anyone would be reading them. I didn’t feel like I was talking to myself either — it was more like musing out loud and not caring who overheard. And I’m fine with that, even if it does make me weird! :)

Hook, line, and sinker
I fell for Twitter because
it supports haiku!

I’ve loved haiku since I first learned of it, back in elementary school, but I’ll save the whole story for another time. What’s important here is that Twitter’s 140 character length is more than enough room for a seventeen syllable haiku, with slashes delimiting the lines of five, seven, and five syllables each, plus a #haiku hashtag to help us haiku’ers keep tabs on the haiku going on out there.

Since I’ve discovered the joys of twittering haiku, 79/89 or 88.8% of my twitters have been haiku. Yes, I just counted, and I’m shocked too! That’s a lot of counted syllables (1343)! The Twitter Haiku Movement facebook group would be proud…. :)

Next plan: actually collecting my twittered haikus (and the rest of them I’ve written elsewhere) and posting them here in the blog. After all, if the blog is a collection of my thoughts, I should certainly collect those thoughts I’ve carefully formatted into 5-7-5 form, eh? :)

I’ve been through a lot of time management software and webware in the past year or so… I’m almost afraid to estimate how much of my time was eaten by such endeavours. I’m trying to keep myself to doing it just on weekends and evenings (my hubby just got a new game to play, so I think he doesn’t mind much that I’m lost in my own investigations) but some days I just find myself unable to focus on anything, because I just don’t know where to start.

I guess that isn’t totally true, I do know I always need to spend more time on my thesis. But I’m constantly worrying that something is slipping past that has an earlier deadline, or otherwise should be rated as more important. I have absolutely no confidence in my “system”, so it’s no wonder I don’t seem to be Getting Things Done! I know that the point is to set up the system and forget about it, and I know that it doesn’t need to be complicated, and I know it will be marvellous once I’ve gotten it there. I am also pretty sure that I’m causing my own frustration, and that I’ve gotta stop it if I’m ever going to get anything done.

Of course, I also have never done a weekly review (another GTD ‘essential’), and that’s surely part of the problem. But for now, I’ve gotta at least get a system I don’t loathe. For some reason, Remember the Milk just wasn’t sitting well with me. I should’ve known — I don’t even like milk! Well, actually, I think the problem was that I didn’t like the system I developed for using it, and I didn’t want to take the time to go back and tweak it. I was having problems figuring out what to do next, because everything was high importance, and yet tasks were still slipping past me because there were just too many tasks there. And I simply didn’t even want to go look, because I knew I’d only see all sorts of markings telling me that everything is high priority.

So, yet again, I found myself endlessly testing different systems, endlessly tweaking, endlessly feeling that my struggles are endless.

SIGH…..!!!!

There is one thing that I’m feeling better about, though: I’ve decided that this month’s focus is to STOP PROCRASTINATING. This means, I can’t finish this article right now, because it’s just a means of procrastinating what really needs to be done. AAARRRGGGHHHH~!!!

Several Days Later…

I have been actually doing fairly well with avoiding procrastination, and actually writing stuff that will be an actual part of my thesis!! Woohoo!! And I’ve got some more anti-procrastinating and pro-thesising to do today, so I can go visit a friend this afternoon.

What’s really amazing (to me) is that I’m pretty sure that I no longer intend to write about all the time management options I’ve tried out. Instead, I really want to put my time towards things that are actually important to my goals! /GASP! I’ll explain how I’ve come to this conclusion soon enough. For now, I just need to get this draft out of my “posts pending” list, so I can relieve the guilt of letting it sit for the past few weeks.

Stay tuned…!